


At the End of My World

by flipflop_diva



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice
Genre: F/M, het bb little bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 10:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4663359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the end of the world comes, you want to be with the ones you love the most, not trapped all the way across the country with your ex-spouse and no way to get home except on foot. But then again, the end of the world might just be the beginning of something better. Inspired by the events in TV's Revolution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the End of My World

Day 0

The day the blackout began started with a blizzard attacking New York City and a knock by a teary-eyed, feverish Addison on Derek’s hotel room door at five thirty in the morning.

“Addison,” he started, until his eyes adjusted to the light. Her eyes and her nose were puffy, and he could tell without touching her, just by the way her hair was sticking to her forehead and her face was gleaning with moisture, that the cold she’d fighting since they’d arrived at the surgical conference had turned into a full-blown fever.

“They cancelled all the flights,” she sniffled. “The airports are closed.”

A few tears that had been hanging on to her eyelashes began to drip down her cheeks. Derek opened the door wider.

“Come on,” he said, taking hold of her hand and ushering her inside. “Let’s get you back in bed.”

“But, Derek …”

“Addie, we don’t leave until tomorrow anyway. Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”

He pulled back the comforter and the sheets, and helped her lie down, then he covered her back up. He ran a hand through her hair and cupped her cheek.

“Just go back to sleep,” he told her. “You need to get better for that baby and that husband of yours.”

•••

“So you’re playing doctor?” Amelia laughed, a few hours later as she, Alex Karev and Derek ate their lunch in one of the crowded hotel restaurants.

Derek glared at her.

“I thought you were supposed to be her best friend,” he muttered.

Amelia laughed more. “I was busy last night,” she said with a smirk and a side-eyed glance at Alex, who was suddenly very interested in his burger.

“Oh, god,” Derek groaned. “I don’t even want to know.”

“Besides,” Amelia said. “I love Addie to death, but she is very whiny when she’s sick, and I probably would have smacked her, which would not have gone over so well. You, dear brother, are surprisingly much more patient with her.”

Derek just glared at her some more.

•••

“Here.” Derek leaned over and set the tray with the bowl of soup room service had just delivered on her lap. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

She shrugged. “A little better,” she said. She turned to look toward the windows.

“Is it still snowing?”

“It is.”

“Do you think we’re going to get to fly home tomorrow?”

It was Derek’s turn to shrug. “I’m not sure,” he said, then added. “I’m sure we’ll get home soon, Addison. The snow can’t last forever.”

“Yeah.” She raised a spoonful of broth to her mouth and sucked it in.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

He looked at her.

“For the soup? You’re welcome.”

She shook her head. “No. … I mean, yes. Thank you for the soup. But no. I meant thank you for taking care of me. I know you don’t have to. I’m not your responsibility any more.”

“Hey,” he said, walking around the bed and taking a seat beside her. “We’re friends. It’s what friends do. You would have done it.”

She smiled a little. “Well, still, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I might not tell Jake I slept in bed with you, though.”

“That might be a good idea. I don’t want the first time I meet the guy to be him punching me out.”

She laughed a little. “Maybe don’t tell Meredith either.”

“Definitely not.”

•••

She was on the phone with Jake when it happened. He was on the phone with Meredith.

“It’s still coming down,” was the last thing he said to her, “but I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“I hope so,” Meredith said. “Zola and Ellie miss their daddy.”

“Henry’s being good for you?” was the last thing Addison said to Jake.

“He’s just fine, sweetheart,” Jake said. “Don’t worry.”

And that was it. There was no noise, no crash, no anything to indicate the end of the world was near. Just a click as everything vanished into darkness.

“Meredith?” Derek said into his phone.

“Jake? Jake? Jake!” Addison called into hers.

Derek look down and frowned. “That’s weird,” he mumbled. “Must be the storm.”

“Jake? Jake?” Addison was still frantically trying to get her husband back. She pressed re-dial but nothing happered.

“Derek?” she finally looked up at him.

“It’s probably the storm, Addie,” he said. “I’m sure everything will be fine soon.”

She nodded. “I hate this storm,” she mumbled. “I just want to go home.”

•••

Day Two

“It’s like the end of the world,” Amelia whispered softly to her brother.

They were standing outside the hotel, staring down a snow-covered New York street. It was eerie and deadly silent. Every sound that normally marked the city was gone. No cars, no subway, no lights. Just quiet. But a quiet that was uneasy. They all knew it couldn’t last.

“Maybe the lights will come back on,” Derek said. He still refused to believe it was anything but a very bad storm. He was a man of science. He believed in science. And science told him that there was no way an entire city could lose power in a split second, let alone the world beyond the city.

It was impossible.

But the look in his sister’s eyes told him that even if he didn’t want to believe it, it was probably happening anyway.

“We can’t stay here,” she said. “Not downtown like this. Soon, when people realize this is it, when they start to run out of food …”

She didn’t continue.

Derek stuffed his hands further into his jacket. “I know,” he said. 

“We could go home,” Amelia said.

“That’s way too far.”

“What about your friends Savvy and Weiss? They live outside the city, but not too far.”

“And we’re supposed to just show up? What if they aren’t there?”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

Derek shook his head. “No,” he said. “I don’t.”

•••

Day Five

“No,” Addison said, stomping her foot. “No. I refuse to go. I refuse!”

“Addie, we can’t stay here.”

Derek could barely see her in the darkness of the room, just her shadow as the light of the moon outside filtered through the window. They were still in Derek’s hotel room, and had been the whole time, but it was time to leave. First thing in the morning Amelia, Alex and Derek had decided. It was too dangerous to stay here. Just getting from Alex’s room back to theirs, Derek had seen three separate fights. Outside, the looting they all knew had been coming was starting as panic began to take hold. Everyone knew that something horrible was happening.

“No,” Addison said again, shaking her head. “We’ll just stay here until this ends.”

“Addie …”

“NO!”

He started at the fury in her voice, then retaliated. 

“Hey!” he shouted. “This is not my fault! I did not make this happen. I am just as unhappy about this situation as you are, but we can’t stay here and wait for something to happen!”

“This is not supposed to be happening!” Addison yelled. “You are not supposed to be here! Jake was supposed to be here!”

There it was.

“Well, do you think I want to be here with _you_?” Derek snapped back. “I’d much prefer to be with my _wife_!”

“It’s your fault!” Addison yelled. “You wanted Amelia to come!”

“ _You_ invited her!”

“Because you wanted to see her!”

“I didn’t know the world was going to end, Addison! I’m sorry I can’t predict the future!”

“I hate you!” she screamed.

“Well, you’re no picnic yourself,” he yelled back. He stormed over to the minibar in their room, and threw it open. What the hell did it matter now anyway? He grabbed the bottle of scotch and the bottle of gin. He tossed the gin to her.

“Why you don’t drink some of that and just calm the fuck down, Addison?” he snarled.

“Fuck you!” she said, but she uncapped the bottle and took a swig. Even in the dark, he could feel her glare.

•••

Three hours later, her rage had turned to drunken hysterical sobbing. They were sitting on the bed, her head in his lap. She was crying so hard he was worried she was going to start hyperventilating.

“Addie, honey, come on,” he said. He reached down, grasping her shoulders to sit her upright. 

Tears streamed down her cheeks as her chest heaved. He pulled her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her as his one hand stroked her head.

“It’s okay,” he said. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure something out. I promise.”

“I … want … Jake,” she managed to gasp out between sobs. “And Henry.”

“I know you do,” he cooed to her. “I know you do.”

“I .., don’t .. want … to … be … alone,” she managed.

“You’re not alone, Addie. I’m right here. You are never going to be alone.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder. She was so close to him he could see the pain in her eyes, even though it was pitch black outside.

She leaned forward, her lips pressing against his, at once both tender and forceful.

He knew, in that moment, that he should stop it. She was drunk. Maybe they both were. She was hurting. They definitely both were. They both had a spouse and a child — two children for him — but there was something in her eyes, the feel of her skin, the desperation in the air. 

In a few short hours they were heading out. None of them had any idea what was out there, what was awaiting them. They could be killed, or worse. They might never see their families again. Seattle and Los Angeles were more than three thousand miles away. Everything in their lives could have come down to this.

So he kissed her back, curled his fingers into her hair and brought her even closer to him. She bit down on his lower lip and he forced his tongue into her mouth. 

Her hands found the hem of his shirt and she tugged it up. They broke apart so she could pull it over his head. He took the opportunity to grab her by the shoulders, flip her over so she was on her back. 

He yanked the buttons of her pajama top apart, shoving the fabric open. She didn’t have a bra on, and his mouth instantly fastened on to a breast. Her fingers clawed into his scalped as she arched upward into his touch. His other hand found her other breast, squeezing it hard in his hand. She whimpered softly and dug her nails in more. He pinched her nipple with unintended force. She let out a cry, then grabbed his face, pulling it up to hers, attacking him again with her lips.

Their teeth gnashed as they fought for dominance. He dropped one of his hands and forced it down her pajama pants, inside her panties, inside her.

She yelped in surprise. He took the opportunity to grab her wrists, pin them over her head with one of his hands.

She wriggled around, but he had a good grip, and his other hand was plunging into her at full speed now.

She moaned, her body arching, her hips moving as she tried to ground herself against his hand.

He let go of her wrists, moved down her body to grab the waistband of her pajamas, tugged them along with her panties down her legs. She helped kick them off her ankles, then she spread her legs.

He hoisted her legs up over his shoulders, then plunged two fingers back inside her, not bothering to check if she was ready. But she was. His fingers were coated in wetness.

She shrieked, and her fingers latched themselves back into his hair.

He thrust his fingers into her furiously. She writhed beneath him, her hips moving fast to keep time with the ministrations of his fingers.

He bent down, took her clit into his mouth and sank his teeth into her.

She screamed, but with her legs over his shoulders, she didn’t really have much room to move. He kept going, thrusting into her harder and faster and deeper, his mouth continually sucking at her, until finally, she came apart beneath him, her whole body tensing and then trembling.

He didn’t wait until she recovered. He just placed her legs back on the bed and shoved her apart, then tore his boxers down and off his legs. He poised himself at her entrance, and then before she could protest, he slipped inside.

She moaned, then wrapped her arms around his neck, almost in a death grip. She lifted her legs and locked them around his waist. They began to move, each of them trying to outdo the other, faster and harder. She scratched her nails down his back, the pain running through him. He tugged her hair, hard, and she whimpered. She locked her arms tighter around his neck, trying to suffocate him. He forced a hand between them, rubber her clit hard with the pad of his thumb, not letting up even when she bite down on his shoulder.

He pinched her clit, tugged on her hair again, bit her lip, and then she was coming for the second time, her muscles clamping down around him, causing him to lose control. 

He collapsed on top of her. He could feel her breasts heaving beneath him, their legs tangled together in a sticky mess.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” she whispered into the silence.

“You started it,” he said, and went to go clean himself up as best he could.

•••

Day Six

Addison wasn’t talking to him. On the bright side, she didn’t argue about not wanting to go. She did as Derek instructed her and grabbed as much stuff as she could fit into a backup Alex had rummaged up for them — Derek didn’t bother to ask him where he got it — and then followed Derek wordlessly down the stairs where they met Amelia and Alex.

On the down side, however, Amelia and Alex noticed right away.

“Did you two have a fight?” Amelia asked him as they started to set out.

“Something like that,” he said vaguely.

She frowned, and then her expression changed into one of horror mixed with shock.

“Oh my god!” Amelia exclaimed, forgetting to be quiet. “You slept with her!”

Ahead of them, Addison whirled around, fury radiating out of her eyes. Next to her, Alex snorted.

Derek glared at his sister. “We slept with each other,” he muttered. He swung his pack on to his back. “Now let’s get going.” And he stomped off down the street.

•••

Day Forty-Six

“Dude. Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” The other occupants of the room looked up as Alex waited for an answer. Addison, who had just come back into the room, pushed her hair out of her face and glared at him.

“Shut up, Karev,” she said. “It’s the flu.”

“For the past two weeks, always around the same time?”

Addison’s glared deepened. “I said shut up,” she hissed. “I am not pregnant. I can’t get pregnant. So just shut the hell up.”

And she stood back up and stormed out of the room.

•••

“Addison?” He found her outside. Snow was still blanketing the ground, and it was far from safe to be outside. It was far from safe to be inside, too, but at least inside they were armed. But out here … Derek didn’t even like to think about it.

Addison didn’t seem to care, though. She was sitting on the front porch, staring stonily ahead of her. She was shivering, though, the thin sweater she had on not doing much to protect her.

Derek slipped off his jacket and handed it to her.

“I’m not cold.”

“You’re shivering. Put on the damn jacket, Addison.”

“Fine. Whatever.” She slipped it on. He took a seat beside her.

“We need to talk,” Derek said.

“No we don’t.”

“About what Alex said.”

“I’m not pregnant.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. I’m not pregnant.”

“Addison.”

“Look,” she said. She turned to face him. Her face was deadly serious. “I’m not pregnant,” she said. “I can’t get pregnant. I know that. You know that. You know how long I tried to get pregnant before I got Henry. You know how much I wanted it. And it didn’t happen. It _can’t_ happen. I am not pregnant.”

She turned back to stare out at the street again. 

“Besides,” she said, and this time her voice was small. “God wouldn’t be so cruel to get me pregnant now, in a world like this, in a time like this, with my ex-husband’s baby. He wouldn’t do that to me. I refuse to believe it. I refuse.”

She dropped her head into her hands. Derek reached up and rubbed her shoulders.

•••

Day Fifty-Six

He found her outside again. He hated that she liked to sit out there, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He handed her the box with the pregnancy test.

“No,” she said softly.

“It’s been almost a month, Addison” Derek said softly. “You get sick every morning. The signs are all there.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to believe it.”

“If you are, we need to know.”

“Why?” She whipped her head around and stared at him. “It’s not like we can do anything. We can’t do ultrasounds or run tests. We wouldn’t even know if it’s healthy. Or if it’s, in fact, yours. There is absolutely nothing we can do.”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” Derek said gently. “You’re an OB, Addison. And even if we can’t do what we would normally do, we can make sure _you_ are healthy and that you’re eating properly and getting enough sleep. We can monitor _you_.”

Addison looked down at the box in her hand. “How do we even know if this thing will actually work?”

Derek shrugged. “We don’t,” he said. “But it’s chemical based, not electricity based. There’s a chance.”

She took a deep breath. “And what if I am pregnant, Derek? What if I am pregnant? What are we going to do then?”

“I don’t know, Addison. I really don’t know.”

•••

Two hours later, she walked out of the bathroom, dropped something in Derek’s hand and disappeared.

He looked down. The pink plus sign seemed to burn through his retinas, causing a searing pain straight to his heart.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

He found her outside, wiping away tears with a gloved hand. He dropped down beside her.

“Karma really is a bitch, isn’t she?” Addison finally said.

“What?”

“I sleep with my husand’s best friend and get pregnant, so I have an abortion because I want my husband back. But he doesn’t want me, so there is no chance of a baby. Then I decide I want a baby and there is nothing I can do to get one. Nothinng works. So I finally get a baby of my own, my beautiful precious Henry. And then on a night that we get stupid drunk, I sleep with my ex-husband, who I never had a baby with when we were married, and now I’m pregnant.” Addison wiped away more tears. “It’s just fan-freaking-tastic, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry,” Derek said.

“For?”

“Sleeping with you that night,” he said. “You were drunk. I shouldn’t have let it get that far.”

“You were drinking, too.”

“I still should have stopped it.”

Addison shrugged. “It’s not your fault, Derek. You didn’t rape me. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do. This is both our faults.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I guess it is.”

“We’re going to have a baby,” she said.

“We’re going to have a baby,” he repeated.

She looked at him. “I’m scared. I’m really scared.”

“Me, too.”

•••

Day Seventy-Two

“If we’re going to do this, we just need to do this,” Amelia said. She looked to her right at Derek and then to her left at Alex, then back to the maps she had spread out on the table in front of her. “We can’t stay here forever, and the later we wait to leave, the more dangerous it gets.”

Alex nodded. “I agree,” he said. “It’s time to go.”

Derek rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“What?” Amelia said.

“You’re not going to like this.”

“Like what?”

“I, ummm,” he paused. “I don’t think we should take Addison.”

“What?” Amelia said, aghast.

“Dude. What?” Alex said, also aghast.

Derek tried to explain. “Think about it,” he said. “She’s almost eleven weeks pregnant. And we want her to _walk_ across the goddamn country. Even if we can somehow do this trek in three months — which is highly unlikely since we have no idea what is out there — she would be about twenty-five weeks pregnant by the end. There is no way we can have her be walking thirty miles a day.”

“Then we go slower,” Alex said. “We walk what she can walk. And if we have to stop for a few days so she can rest, we stop for a few days so she can rest.”

“And what if she goes into labor?”

“And what if she goes into labor _here_?” Amelia said. “Savvy and Weiss aren’t doctors! You think they can deliver a baby? The three of us are world-class surgeons. Alex works in peds. Hell, Addie taught him everything she knows. Being with _us_ gives her, and that baby, a _much_ better chance.”

“But if something goes wrong …”

“Something could go wrong if we leave her!” Amelia said.

Derek sighed, frustrated.

“What is this really about, Derek?” Amelia said. “The fact that you don’t want to show back up in Seattle with Addison and a baby because you think Meredith will kick you out?”

“No.”

“We don’t even know if any of them are alive,” Alex said. Amelia and Derek both shot daggers at him. 

“Hey,” he said. “We don’t. Be pissed at me all you want, but we don’t. We have no idea what happened to any of our friends.”

“That’s why we need to get there as fast as we can,” Derek said.

“We’re not leaving Addison,” Amelia said. 

“Amelia!”

“Look, Derek,” she said. “I get that this whole baby thing was not in the plans and that you are freaked the fuck out. So is she. But you do realize that if we leave her here, in all likelihood, you will _never_ see her again. You will _never_ know what happened to her. You will _never_ know the fate of your child. Never know it it’s a boy or a girl. You think it would be easier to just walk away and not have to worry about it, but you are wrong. This will haunt you forever if you leave her here. Like it or not, that kid that she is carrying is yours, so man up and take some damn responsibility.”

With that, Amelia slammed her hands down on the table and stood up. 

“We should rest up a few days and leave on Sunday. _With Addison._.” She added.

Derek sighed.

“You know she’s right,” Alex said.

“Addison and I are just so complicated …”

“Well,” Alex said. “We’re going to have a lot of time for the two of you to figure it out.”

Then he, too, stood up and walked away.

•••

Day Eighty

“Please be careful, all of you.” Savvy wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye and handed them all plastic bags full of food. “We don’t have much left, but this should last you a few days.”

“Thank you,” Amelia said, “for everything you’ve done for us. For letting us stay with you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?” Weiss asked. “It’s not a problem.”

“We appreciate it, but we can’t,” Derek said. “We need to get back to our families and our friends.”

“We know,” Savvy said.

“You would still come with us?” Derek told her.

Savvy shook her head. “For the reasons you have to leave are the reasons we have to stay,” she said. She leaned forward to give Derek a hug. He embraced her tightly.

“You take care of our girl,” Savvy whispered in his ear as she patted him on the back. “She needs you.”

Derek glanced over. Addison was bundled from head to toe in a long black wollen coat, double layers of leggings, boots, gloves and a hat. She kept insisting she was fine and she wasn’t cold, but everyone had bundled her up despite her protests.

She was awfully pale, though. She still got sick almost every day, and Derek was worried about her being out in the elements and walking so far each day. He hadn’t told her he hadn’t wanted her to come; he didn’t want her to think she wasn’t wanted, and he didn’t want to give her any ideas that it might be better for her to keep things from them for fear that they would leave her behind.

But he was worried about her. He tried to tell her every night that everything was fine and they would know if the something was wrong, but in all truth, they had no idea if the baby was okay. Or even if Addison was okay.

But Derek knew there were no other options. They were going to have to risk it.

They finished hugging Savvy and Weiss, then turned to go.

“Thank you again!” they called back over their shoulders. Savvy and Weiss waved until they could no longer see them.

•••

It was a lot slower going than any of them had imagined it would be, even by their most conservative estimates. After two miles, Addison was panting, her breath coming in short, uneven bursts.

“I’m fine,” she gasped when they made her sit down after she almost passed out.

“No, Addie, you aren’t,” Derek said worriedly. 

“Just out of shape,” she panted.

“No, you aren’t,” he said. Amelia shot him a look. “It’s fine,” he continued. “You’re carrying a whole other person. We don’t expect you to be speed-walking.”

Addison sucked in a breath. Her face was almost white.

“I’m sorry,” she panted.

“It’s fine,” they all said.

They made it two more miles before nightfall. No one noted that at the rate they were traveling, they wouldn’t get to Seattle for almost two years. Instead, they found an old, abandoned barn to stay it for the night. It was out of the way, and there seemed to be no one within miles. They spread out the blankets from their packs and made a campfire. They waited till Addison fell asleep to begin talking.

“She’s not okay,” Derek said, worry lacing his tone. He cast a glance over at her. Even in the firelight, she still looked pale, and when he was tucking her in, her skin had seemed clammy.

“She’s pregnant,” Amelia said. “We can’t expect her to go as fast as she would normally.”

“We made it maybe four miles,” Derek said. “She’s only eleven weeks. She should be able to walk a lot more than that.”

“She’s been sick,” Alex said. “She’s throwing up pretty much every day. She can barely keep anything down. Anything she does eat is probably going to the baby. It’s no wonder she got so tired. We’re just going to have to be careful and not push her too much.”

Derek sighed. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done this.”

“I thought we went over this,” Amelia snapped. “We were not going to leave her behind.”

“No,” Derek said. “Not that. Maybe we should have waited till after she had the baby to set off.”

“No,” Alex said. “We did the right thing. It was getting too dangerous to stay in the city. We had to leave.”

He reached over and clasped Derek on the shoulder.

“We’re awesome doctors,” he said. “We’ll take care of her.”

•••

Day One Hundred Five  
412 miles from New York

Addison’s scream startled them all awake instantly. A second after that, they were by her side, She was clutching her stomach, her face scrunched in pain. She was covered in sweat, and she was gasping for air, even as she screamed.

“Addie!” Amelia reached her first, her hand going directly to Addison’s stomach. She was fifteen weeks pregnant now. Her baby bump was not nearly as prominent as one would expect, but it was at least there. Addison, for her part, seemed almost to be losing weight, though. It was hard just finding food, and most of what they found she couldn’t keep down. The baby was taking what little calories she did manage to get, and it showed. 

“Addie, talk to us,” Amelia was pleading now.

“It hurts! It hurts so much!” she cried. “Make it stop.”

“Okay,” Alex said, pushing his way past Derek to Addison. “Lay her back. I need to check her.”

“What?” Derek said.

Alex glared at him. “You want to make sure your baby and your baby’s mother are okay? Then let me examine her.”

“Amelia can do it.”

“Amelia is not trained in OB.”

“Let him do it, Derek,” Amelia said as Addison screamed again. “Okay, Addie,” Amelia said. “We’re going to help you, but you need to let down.”

“It hurts!” she sobbed.

“I know,” Amelia said. She looked up. “Derek, help me!”

He hurried over, still not pleased with the idea of Alex examining her, but he knew they didn’t have much choice. He moved to Addison’s other side, and took one of her hands. Carefully, he and Amelia laid her back down. They took the blanket she had been lying under and moved in up so it was only over her chest and her belly.

“Use your hand,” Alex told Amelia. “See if you can get the baby to move.”

Amelia nodded, pressing her hand to Addison’s abdomen. Addison let out another cry. Derek took her other hand from Amelia, so he was holding both her hands in one of his. With his other hand, he stroked her cheek, wiped away her tears with his thumb.

“It’s going to be okay,” he told her. “Just take deep breaths, okay? The baby knows when you’re upset, so you need to calm down for the baby’s sake.”

Addison nodded, but her breathing was still shaky, and tears were still dripping down her cheeks. He scooted closer to her head, so he was looking her in the eyes.

“Look at me,” he said. “Breathe with me, Addison.”

From the corner of his eye, he watched as Amelia felt along her belly, poking and rubbing her. Alex pulled her leggings and her panties down her legs, and had her bend her legs at the knees. He pushed her legs apart so he had better access.

Addison whimpered and gasped when Alex pushed his fingers inside her. Derek used the hand stroking her hair to press on her head so she wouldn’t look at Alex.

“It’s okay,” he told her. “Alex just needs to check on the baby.”

It felt like they sat there forever, Amelia feeling along her belly, Alex with his hand inside her, Addison whimpering and crying.

Finally, Amelia breathed a happy sigh. “The baby moved!” she announced.

Alex looked up. “She’s not bleeding,” he said. “And she doesn’t appear to be having contractions.”

Addison lifted her head. “The baby is okay?” she whispered.

“I think so,” Alex told her, and Derek couldn’t recall him ever sounding quite so kind. “I think you might have pre-eclampsyia, though.”

Addison’s face drained of what little color it had.

“It’s okay,” Alex told her hurriedly. “You’re okay. The baby is okay. We just need to make sure you’re careful and get lots of rest.”

“We’re walking across the country!” The fear and panic in Addison’s voice was obvious.

“Addison,” Alex said gently. He patted her on the knee. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the baby, okay? I need you to trust me. I need you to trust all of us.”

“I trust you,” she whispered. 

“Good,” Alex said.

•••

Alex and Amelia went off to find some food and more supplies. Derek suspected they also wanted some alone time together, but he understood that and was okay with it. Even if he didn’t really like to think about it.

He stayed with Addison. She was asleep. This morning’s excitement had worn her out, and she needed to rest anyway. She was on her back, her head turned to the side, her mouth open slightly and she was snoring softly.

Derek waited till she was completely out before he tried. Then he pulled the blanket down, past her belly, and carefully lifted her shirt. Gently, he traced her protruding belly, laying his hand against her. His baby was in their. _Their baby._ He had tried so hard to not think about it, to not think about what that would mean. If Jake and Meredith were still waiting when they each got home, what would they tell them? How would they react? And the biggest dilemma of all — what if Addison wanted to stay in Los Angeles with Jake? He knew there was a very good chance he was going to have to let go of this child almost as soon as he or she was born. Which was partly why he was afraid to get attached. He wasn’t sure he could leave his child.

But this morning, when he heard Addison’s cry, when he looked into her eyes and saw the fear, he realized then we was as afraid as she was. No matter the complications awaiting them, he didn’t want to lose this baby. Or the baby’s mother.

“Derek?” His name came out as little more than a murmur. He turned his head. Her eyelids were fluttering between open and closed as she struggled to wake up.

“Go back to sleep, Addie,” he said softly.

“What are you doing?” she mumbled.

“Just talking to the baby,” he told her.

“Oh,” she said, then yawned. Her eyes fluttered open once more and she smiled at him. “I think it’s a girl,” she whispered. “I want a girl.”

Derek smiled. “A girl would be nice,” he said. “Go back to sleep, Addie.”

“’Kay,” she mumbled, and a few seconds later she was softly snoring again.

•••

Day One Hundred Six  
412 miles from New York

“No, no, no, no, no,” Addison declared, and she crossed her arms across her chest.

“Addie, it’s the only way,” Amelia said.

“You need to be resting,” Alex said. “You said yourself you can’t walk across the whole country.”

“No,” she said again.

“Do you have another idea, Addie?” Amelia asked.

“We’ll stay here.”

“We are not staying here for the next twenty-four weeks.”

“Then we can walk slow.”

“Addison, we aren’t going to let you walk.”

“No,” she said. “No, no, no.” She turned to Derek, her eyes pleading for help.

“It’s a good option, Addie,” he said softly.

“It’s a _wheelbarrow_!” she said.

“We’ll put blankets in there,” Amelia said. “You’ll be mostly comfortable.”

Addison glared at her.

But in the end, it was three against one, and she knew she didn’t have a choice. There really wasn’t another option. She couldn’t walk, they couldn’t carry her and this way she could sleep while the others walked. They would have to travel a bit slower — pushing her wasn’t going to be easy and they couldn’t promise it wasn’t going to be bumpy — but it was faster than standing still.

It turned out the wheelbarrow wasn’t as bad as she had thought. She could curl up into a ball and she fit almost entirely in it. Or she could stretch out and hang her legs over the side. They all knew she wasn’t happy about it — and later they would secretly laugh about what her father and her brother would say if they could see her now — but desperate times calls for desperate plans, and this worked better than any other plan they could come up with.

They made it ten miles the first day. Addison slept through about eight of them. Every couple miles they would stop and press their fingers to her neck, check her heartbeat. Derek took to rubbing her stomach. The baby was starting to move now, and that always reassured him when he felt a flutter against his hand.

“How do you feel?” Alex asked her after they helped her out of the wheelbarrow that night.

“Like a farm animal,” she said. She stretched her arms. “And sore,” she said.

“Well, you can walk around now,” Alex told her. “But slowly. And don’t go too far.”

“I’ll go with her,” Derek said.

“We’ll get dinner ready,” Alex said, as Derek took Addison’s hand and they began to walk a bit aways from where they were setting up camp for the night.

“Derek?” Addison asked after a few minutes of walking in silence. “Do you think the baby is going to make it?”

“I hope so,” he answered truthfully.

“Me, too,” she whispered. “Me, too.”

•••

Day Two Hundred Forty Eight  
2,016 miles from New York

Even though they had told Addison time and time again that she needed to tell them as soon as she began having anything that resembled a contraction, she, of course, didn’t tell them for about five hours. And by then her contractions were just six minutes apart.

“Addison!” Derek yelled.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “Oh, god, it hurts.”

“Okay, okay,” Derek said, forgetting to be mad at her and instead hurrying to her side. He looped an arm around her waist so she could lean on him. “I got you,” he said.

“There’s a hospital down the street,” Alex said. “We can sneak in there.”

“Sneak in?” Addison said, then whimpered when another contraction hit.

“It’s more sterile than out here,” Alex says.

“It’s too soon,” Addison said.

“You’re at thirty-five weeks, Addie,” Derek said. “You did good.” He looked at Amelia and Alex. “I’ll carry her. Let’s go.”

By the time they got to the hospitals, her contractions were coming even faster and she was sobbing openly, her face buried in Derek’s shoulder as she gripped on to him.

“Her water still hasn’t broken?” Amelia asked her brother. He shook his head.

Alex was right about the hospital. It was abandoned and looked like it had been for a while. Everything was covered by dust and most rooms look like they had been rummaged through. But there were still a few closets full of supplies.

They found a birthing suite that had a window and laid Addison on the bed. Alex had her put her feet in the stirrups and he set about trying to see how dilated she was while Derek and Amelia went off to collect supplies.

“She’s going to be okay, right?” Derek asked his sister. She stopped what she was doing to look at him. She reached out and gripped his hand. 

“She’s going to be fine, Derek,” she said. “We’re not going to let anything happen to her.”

But Alex wasn’t so sure. By the time they got back, he looked worried.

“The baby’s not positioned right,” he whispered to them. “I think she needs a C-section.”

“What? No,” Derek said instantly. “We’re not going to cut her open.”

“I don’t think we have a choice,” Alex said. 

In the end, they had to go with Alex’s plan. By then, Addison was screaming, tears dripping coursing down her cheeks as her body was racked with pain.

“It hurts! Oh, god, it hurts! Help me!” she sobbed. “Please help me.”

They found the anesthetic near an old operating room. Derek just prayed it would work. He doused an old towel in anesthetic and waited till Alex was ready. 

“I’m sorry, Addie,” he whispered to her. “But we don’t want you to be awake for this.”

Then he put the towel up to her face, covering her mouth and nose.

Even though she knew what was happening, she freaked out, struggling against Derek’s hand.

“Amelia!” he yelled. She hurried over and took hold of Addison’s head, holding her in place.

Addison was still trying to fight, but she was also still sobbing. A few seconds later, her eyes rolled back in her head and her whole body went limp.

“She’s out,” Derek told Alex.

He nodded. “Just make sure she stays that way.”

Alex and Amelia got to work. Derek tried not to look. He had been a surgeon for years and years, but he didn’t want to watch his sister and her boyfriend slice up his ex-wife and mother of his baby. Instead, he looked down at Addison, holding her hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of hand. With his other hand, he touched her cheeks and ran his fingers through her hair. It had grown a lot longer in the past few months and was now more than halfway down her back.

She looked peaceful in her unconscious state, but every once in a while, she winced and made a slight whimpering sound, and he realized she wasn’t as deeply out as they had hoped she would be. A few times he pressed the cloth back to her mouth. He didn’t want to give her too much, but he didn’t want her to feel what was happening to her either.

He didn’t turn around at all, not until the cry of a baby filled the air.

Derek spun around, his mouth and eyes wide.

“It’s a girl!” Amelia said, and she was crying, tears of happiness shimmering on her face.

He stared down at the tiny, red-faced little girl, still covered in blood and placenta. Amelia placed her in Derek’s eyes and he stared down in amazement at this screaming little being.

“Fuck!” Alex’s shout was even lounder than the baby’s cries.

Derek looked up in horror.

“She’s bleeding out!” Alex shouted. “Amelia, help! Derek, make sure the baby is okay!”

Derek froze. The baby was screaming in his arms but all he could hear was Alex’s shout repeating over and over in his head: _She’s bleeding out!_

“Derek!” Amelia shouted, and he blinked. He stared down at the baby in his arms and hurried over to the side of the room.

There wasn’t much he could do, but he tried to keep himself busy, not look at what was happening with Addison. He couldn’t lose her now.

It was hard without any conveniences of modern medicine, but he was able to estimate the baby was about five and a half pounds and 19 inches long. She was screaming bloody murder, so Derek figured her lungs were fine, and her little heartbeat seemed strong. For a baby conceived and born during what could only be described as an apocalypse, she was a little survivor. A fighter. Just like her mom.

Her mom.

Derek spun around. Alex looked up, caught his eye.

Derek couldn’t bear to ask. He just stared at Alex until the other man smiled. 

“We stopped the bleeding, Derek. She’s going to be okay.”

The breath that escaped him was of sweet, sweet relief.

•••

Day Two Hundred Forty Nine  
2,016 miles from New York

It took Addison a lot longer than they thought it would for her to wake up. But around three or four in the morning, she finally began to stir.

Derek was dozing by her side, holding their precious newborn daughter in his arms, when her soft moan startled him awake.

He shifted the baby into one arm, and took a seat beside her on the bed. He touched her cheek with the back of his hand. She felt cold to his touch and he made a mental note to get her another blanket as soon as she was fully awake.

She moaned again.

“Hey, Addie,” Derek said softly. “It’s Derek. Open your eyes for me, honey. There’s someone here who wants to meet you.”

She moaned again. “Hurts,” she mumbled.

“I know,” Derek said softly. “I know you’re hurting. Amelia is trying to find you something for the pain. But you need to open your eyes for me, okay?”

He watched as her eyes began to flutter, and he could tell she was trying hard to do what he said.

“Good girl,” he said. “You can do it.”

Her eyes fluttered some more, until finally they stayed open. In the candlelight, he could see the blue of her eyes.

“Hi,” he said softly.

“Hurts,” she croaked.

“I know,” he said. “Do you want to meet her?”

Addison cocked her head to the side as she looked at Derek, and then a smile began to grow, spreading wider across her face.

“It’s a girl?”

“It’s a girl.”

“I was right.”

Derek laughed. “I thought you were always right.”

She laughed softly. “I am,” she said, and then she held her arms out. Very carefully, Derek placed the sleeping newborn into her arms.

He watched Addison’s face as she saw her daughter for the first time, the wonder in her eyes, the amazement on her face.

“She’s so beautiful,” she breathed. She looked up at Derek and he could see that her eyes were glassy. “We made a beautiful daughter.”

“We did,” he whispered. “She looks just like her gorgeous mommy.”

Addison looked back down at her daughter, traced her finger over the baby’s cheeks, over her chin, her head. Derek watched as Addison picked up her tiny hands, counted all her fingers.

Then she looked back up at Derek, and she was crying, the tears dropping down past her smile.

“Thank you for her,” she said.

Derek couldn’t help himself. He leaned over, kissed Addison gently on the lips. “Thank you,” he breathed. He pulled back.

“Do you know what you want to name her?”

Addison shook her head. “I like Annabeth,” she said.

Derek laughed. “As in, the hotel where she was conceived.”

She laughed. “Yeah.”

“Annabeth,” he said, looking down at his daughter. “I like it.”

“And maybe Elizabeth?” Addison asked hesitantly. “For her middle name. After my mother?”

“Annabeth Elizabeth,” Derek said. “It’s perfect.” He leaned in and kissed her again. “And so are you.”

•••

Day Two Hundred Fifty Eight  
2,016 miles from New York

They stayed at the hospital for ten days. The last few days, Derek, Alex and Amelia were getting nervous, but Addison was still so sore from her makeshift c-section and her stitches weren’t completely healed, and they were worried about her getting an infection if they tried to travel now. So they stayed.

They held the baby, helped Addison breast feed her.

Addison was in a lot of pain, but there was no other way to feed the baby, and they were afraid of the pain medication passing to the baby if they gave her some. So instead she suffered through it, spending most days when she wasn’t holding her baby crying in Derek’s arms. He did his best to try and soothe her, bathing her in warm water, massaging her arms and legs, but there was only so much he could do. Mostly he just held her as she cried, rocked her as much as she could and tried to get her to sleep. 

“There has got to be some formula around here somewhere,” Alex said on the eighth day.

They were all gathered in Addison’s room. Amelia was rocking the baby while Derek tried to nap. Addison had finally fallen asleep, mostly out of pure exhaustion, but even in her sleep, she was still whimpering.

“This is a huge hospital,” Alex continued. “And we’ve found a lot of other stuff.”

“True,” Derek yawned.

“And if we can find enough even for a couple days, we can finally give her the vicodin and just let her sleep. She can’t even lie still. How are we going to travel?”

So Derek and Alex went on a search. For hours, they scoured the hospital, opening every drawer, every cupboard, every closet. Looking under beds and in every box. Derek was ready to just give up when Alex found it. Buried in a box in the back of a storage closet filled with empty boxes was a box full of formula. Enough to last for a month.

That night, they tried the formula out on Annabeth. She wasn’t happy, but she eventually drank it. So they gave Addison the viocadin and let Addison sleep. 

Two days later it was time to leave.

Addison was still pretty out of it, but they all figured it was better that way. Derek lifted her out of bed, careful not to jostle her and hurt her stitches, and carried her downstairs. Amelia carried the baby and all the baby supplies. Alex carried everything the rest of them had.

They found their wheelbarrow where they had left it. Derek placed Addison into it, covering her with a blanket. They laid the baby next to her, making sure she wouldn’t fall out or be jostled by her mother.

And then it was time to be off.

It was a lot slower going than before Addison went into labor, but they knew they couldn’t stay at the hospital forever. It was time to face the future.

•••

Day Three Hundred and Ten  
Just outside Los Angeles

He should be sleeping. He knew that. There was a long day ahead, and probably not just physically, but he couldn’t sleep. His mind was racing a hundred miles a minute. So he sat outside the house they had found to sleep in for the night, rocking Annabeth in his arms. She was two months, and she was growing right on schedule. Derek figured she was probably about eight pounds now. She liked to eat and she liked to cry and more than anything she liked to be held by her parents and her aunt.

“Hey.” Amelia’s voice cut through the darkness. He looked up to see her shadowy figure approach him.

“I thought you were sleeping,” he said.

“I thought you were sleeping,” she shot back.

He nodded at the baby. “Annabeth was crying,” he said.

“No, she wasn’t. I was awake. She wasn’t crying.”

“Yeah, okay, she wasn’t crying.” He glanced at his sister.

“So why can’t you sleep?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Probably along the lines of why you can’t.”

He scoffed. “Probably not.”

“Okay, then,” she said. “I’ll go first. I’m nervous about tomorrow. It’s been almost a year. I don’t know who will still be there, who won’t, what happened to everyone when we’ve been gone. I’m excited to see them, but I’m nervous about what is going to happen.”

“Yeah,” Derek said.

“And,” she added. “I need to make a big decision soon, and I don’t know what to do.”

He looked at her. “Alex?”

She nodded. “Do I ask him to stay with me? Do I go with him? Do I go with you? Do I stay with Addison?”

“Yeah …”

“I told you it was the same reason you were up,” she said.

“What?” He arched his brow in confusion.

“Addison,” Amelia said. “You have to give her back to her husband tomorrow. And then you have to leave her. And your daughter. And you might not see either one of them again.”

Derek sighed, looked down at the baby girl in his arms, felt a lump in his throat. “I’m not ready,” he said.

“To leave Annabeth or to leave Addison?”

“Both of them.”

“Are you in love with her?”

“Addison?”

“Of course Addison.”

“She’s the mother of my child,” he said. “She’s one of my best friends.”

“But are you in love with her?”

Derek looked at his sister, then back to the baby. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “She has a husband. I have a wife. This is where it ends. I’m just …. I’m just not ready.”

“Yeah,” Amelia said. “Neither am I.”

•••

Day Three Hundred and Eleven  
Los Angeles

It was, simultaneously, the longest and the shortest day since the blackout happened. They were up and on their way by six in the morning, before the sun was fully up in the sky.

Addison could walk by now, and she and Derek trudged side by side, passing the baby between them. They didn’t talk, but every once in a while, they would exchange looks, and they both knew the other one was thinking the same thing. Some times their hands would brush, and finally, late in the afternoon, when her fingers brushed his palm for the fifth time in ten minutes, Derek grasped her hand, wrapped his fingers through hers, squeezed her palm. They held hands for the rest of the way.

Until they got to the end of her street.

Then Addison came to a dead stop. So quickly Amelia almost walked into her.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready,” Addison whispered.

Derek wanted to tell her good, that he wasn’t either, that they could go somewhere else for the night, maybe think about this for a few days, try again later. But instead he found himself saying the exact opposite of what he wanted to be saying.

“Yes, you are,” he said. “You’ve been waiting for this for a really long time. Jake and Henry are waiting for you.”

She took in a breath. “We could tell him the truth,” she said. “We can tell him Annabeth is yours.”

“No,” Derek said. “It’s better this way. For you, for her, for Henry, for Jake. You guys can be a family. Annabeth deserves a dad.”

“But she has a dad,” Addison whispered, and Derek could hear the tears in her voice, although her face was stoic. 

“A father who she can never see is no father at all,” Derek said. “You know this. We talked about this. Jake is her dad. It’s okay.”

And then to prove his point, he kissed his daughter on the head for maybe the last time and handed her back to her mother.

“Go get your family back, Addison,” he said.

Amelia scooted forward. “Come on, Addison,” she said. The two of them started forward, down the street toward the place they both once called home. Derek and Alex stood at the end of the street, watching them go.

•••

“You did the right thing.” Alex broke the silence. “Letting her tell Jake that Annabeth is his. This isn’t the world for a split family.”

Derek stuffed his hands in his pocked. “Yeah.” He glanced at the man next to him. “What are you going to do about Amelia?”

“Ask her to marry me.”

“For real?”

“Yeah. For real.”

•••

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Two  
Los Angeles

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, not by any means. He had just wanted to sneak upstairs, see Annabeth one more time, memorize her features, put her in his memory foreer. If possible, he wanted to hold her one last time, give her one last kiss, tell her one last time that he loves her and that this was the hardest thing he had ever had to do in his life but he was doing it because he loves her and he wants her to be happy and he wants her to have whatever semblance of a life she could possibly have in this horrible, messed up work. He wanted to tell her she would be okay, that her mommy was the most amazing woman he had ever met, and that he knew she would protect her. That her mommy loved her and they she should love her mommy back, that she should protect her, take care of her.

One more time. He just wanted to see his daughter one more time. He just wanted to say goodbye.

Their voices were coming from what was once the master bedroom. He could tell they were trying to whisper, to not wake the kids or the other occupants in the house, but their words were carrying.

“I am so sorry! I am so sorry!” Addison was saying. Derek stopped cold. He could tell, by the tone of her voice, that she was crying. “I didn’t mean to!”

“You didn’t mean to lie to me?”

“No, I …”

“Or you didn’t mean to get caught?” Jake’s voice was hard, cold, bitter.

“I’m sorry!” Addison cried. “I love you!”

“I can tell.”

“Jake! Please. You have to understand. We were drunk, we weren’t thinking, I missed you!”

Derek felt his stomach drop. The blood in his veins turned to ice. 

_Fuck_.

Jake knew. He knew about Annabeth.

“Well, I missed you, too, Addison, but instead of fucking someone else, I just stayed here and took care of our son!”

“I’m sorry!”

“I don’t know that I can believe you.”

“Jake ….”

“Just. Stop. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Derek heard him say. “I’m sorry, too.”

•••

Day Three Hundred and Twelve  
Los Angeles

“Are you ready?” The sun was just starting to pop up over the ocean. Their stuff was packed. A piece of string, a symbol of a ring he would one day give her, was around Amelia’s finger. She was going to Seattle with them. She had decided.

Derek thought back to a few hours before. Addison’s cries, Jake’s anger.

“Yeah,” Derek said. “I’m ready.”

And the three of them walked out the door. They didn’t see Addison or Jake.

•••

Day Three Hundred and Fifteen  
One hundred miles outside Los Angeles

Derek stopped in his tracks. “I can’t do this.”

“You can’t do what?” Amelia pushed the hair out of her eyes. They had made a lot of progress in the past four days, a lot more progress than they had made the entire trip up till now. It was like they were on a mission. Maybe they were.

“I can’t leave her.”

“What?” Amelia said.

“What?” Alex echoed.

“Jake knows,” Derek said. “About Annabeth. About Addison and I. He knows. I heard them, the night before we left. He knows.”

“Okay,” Amelia said. “So why …” She trailed off. Her eyes grew wide. “Oh,” she said. “OH!”

Alex looked at her. “Oh, what?”

Amelia was still staring at Derek. “He’s in love with her. Derek is in love with Addison. And he wants her back.”

“Oh,” Alex said. “Well, fuck.”

“You know we’ve walked almost a hundred miles,” Amelia said.

“I know.”

“You know she has a husband.”

“I know.”

“You know she loves her husband.”

“I know.”

Amelia paused. “You know she’s never stopped loving you, right?”

“What?”

Amelia shook her head. “The two of you are so dysfunctional. You should have just stayed together and saved everyone else so much pain.”

Derek looked down. He had a feeling truer words were rarely ever spoken.

“I guess we’re going back then,” Amelia said. 

“We are?” Derek said.

“I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“It is.”

“Then let’s go.”

•••

Day Three Hundred and Nineteen  
Los Angeles

She wasn’t in the house. The children were, though. Both of them were in their cribs, fast asleep. There was no sign of Jake. Or of her.

Derek almost started to panic. She would never just leave the kids willingly. If Jake had done something, if he had hurt her.

“Dude,” Alex said, before he could contemplate all the ways this situation was horribly wrong. Derek turned around. Alex was pointing out at the beach.

He walked over to where Alex was pointing. In the distance, he could see a figure sitting slumped over on the sand.

He headed out there.

“Addison?”

She looked up at the sound of his voice. She was crying. Tears tracks painted her face. She stared at him, blinked a few times, then rubbed her eyes like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

“Derek?” she whispered. She reached out a hand. He wrapped his fingers in hers.

“I came back.”

“He left me.”

“I’ll never leave you.”

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you.” And he kissed her, this time for real.


End file.
